I recently had an interesting experience. Five months ago when I started losing weight it wasn’t because I wanted to look good for the opposite sex (don’t get me wrong it’s a perk). I quit my job and started losing weight because I want to be a police officer, everyone who knows me has always said I would make a great cop. Finally, I looked into it more and realized that they were right. I lost a ton of weight (30 lbs to be exact). I started running for the first time in over three years. I now can pick clothes based on what I want to wear, not based on what would make me look less chunky. I was flying high to say the least, that is until this past weekend when all my hard work was finally suppose to pay off. I tried, and failed my physical exam for the police department that was hiring. Women are not meant to naturally do push ups…I’m still a little bitter. I have been eating my feelings for five days now and it’s time to get back on the horse, it is time for me to do more push ups, it is time for me to work harder. The funny thing is, after obsessing for the last five months about this specific physical test, I am hesitant to become that single minded person again. There is another department hiring in January. Do I start the mind games again? Do I truly commit and start obsessing? I know that the answer to my questions is, “yes, dumb dumb, stop over thinking it before you lose any progress.” I just cannot seem to find the fire and fight that I had before.
I’m sure you’ve had a time in your life where you tried and failed, what did you do? Did you keep at it? Or like me had you gained so many other positive things from the experience and hard work that you counted it as a win anyway? I think that a lot of times in life we are willing to take anything positive as a win, a lot of people would say there is nothing wrong with that. It’s the silver lining phenomenon. I wonder if all this positive thinking is keeping people from reaching their ultimate goals? I think that because for me, looking at the positives has incited a war inside of me.
Do I keep going? Have I accomplished enough?
My silver linings
– I like myself more now than I have in years
– I find myself more worthy of love
– I am happier
– I am healthier
– I drink less
– I shine brighter
Making this list was easy. In the past if you would have asked me my silver lining I don’t think I would have come up with a single thing. That is a silver lining in and of itself.
What about you? Have you recently had a goal and on the way achieved more than you ever imagined? Did you fall short? Were you ‘ok’ with that?
I have posed a lot of questions today, but that is what is in my mind. My psychology background begs me to ask them, to receive answers by asking the “right questions”. I will push through the silver linings in order to reach my goal, how about you?